Plans for the future and other nonsense
(I’d like to apologise beforehand for the cliché and narcissism that follows. Read at your own risk.)
For the past week or so my anxiety has been acting up, as it’s wont to do on a fairly regular basis (the cliché be damned), and kept me more or less sleepless.
My predisposition to worry is not usually tense-discriminative, but bounces quite excitedly between past, present and the ever-looming future, in equal measure. At the moment, however, it is somewhat favouring the future, I have to say. Although I still revisit and fret over past encounters and actions frequently, and the present is, as always, about as breezy as being held hostage by a group of fanatic priests whilst PMS-ing, it is the future that has my nerves all tangled up in knots at the moment.
But since it is the weekend and I have no immediate deadlines to meet, I took the opportunity to sit down with a second (treating myself) cup of coffee and scribble down a loose sort of preliminary plan for the next year. And I have to say, it did rather help. It can go both ways, but this time it helped. And it’s easier to re-prioritise when you have a clear overview of your situation, your projects and when you have your calendar close at hand, as well, you get a good idea of how realistic your plans and deadlines are.
So, without going into detail, and with lots of room for change depending on what projects that happen to pop up along the way, I’m aiming to move away from this dreadful city in about a year. That gives me a couple of months of wrapping things up, after I’ve sent “Bury me in the backyard” and “Little sock & Sister gloom” (if all goes according to plan) to Gothenburg’s International Film Festival (deadline in the beginning of November)
Also, I quite like the sound of flipping the page to the next chapter around the 2012/2013 new year’s, for the obvious numeric poetry of the thing, as well as it being something of a full circle for me, since the last major chapter change was on new year’s eve 2006/2007.
Now, all I have to be anxious about, is how much of, basically everything, will go according to plan and whether or not Anja will be part of that new chapter, or if Cesar will in some way, or if I’ll be on my own again, or what. But for some reason, having a clearer picture of what you’re actually anxious about, lessens the anxiety considerably, as opposed to feeling anxious and not really knowing what you’re anxious about, because then you start getting more anxious as you’re imagining (or try not to) all the horror scenarios that could be the cause of the anxiety, and usually the things you come up with are far worse than the actual reason.